Bleach: Episode 283

And so, we begin this week’s episode with a sword popping out of Starrk’s chest… First off, how the hell is he still alive?

After getting hit with a broad-sword right through his center, he’s just like… Oohhhh you got me good. I’ll get you for that!… But it’s like… what? You mean you’re not dead?

Starrk: “WTF is this? Is this real life??”

He looks behind and sees Captain Kyoraku Jerry Curls looking right at him. Pretty sneaky taking a nap in Starrk’s shadow. Invasion of privacy!

So, Starrk is Starrk, and Lilinette is the wolfpack… I see what goes on here.

So, basically Kyoraku is a dirty bastard. He doesn’t really fight per se… he just plays these smelly boy games with his opponents where the winner lives and the loser dies. But it’s like WTF, no explanation of the rules first or anything. He just goes for it… shaydeeee~~

Here’s the first game. Kageoni, aka “Ogre in the Shadow.” Sounds like my supervisor hahahaaaa~ ZING!

The rule is that you can do a reach-around through a person’s shadow. So, if you’re standing on the ground, Captain Kyoraku can attack you through your shadow. I suppose it works the other way around too… so if you take a dump into your shadow, a nice turd should appear right next to Kyoraku’s feet.

This is how Kyoraku landed that painful back-stab on Starrk at the beginning of the episode. However! Lilinette thought up a great idea!

If Kyoraku can get into your shadow, why not get into his!? Apparently it kind of worked, but not enough to finish the captain.

At this point, freaking Kyoraku is looking quite the bastard, and I’d rather that Starrk and Lilinette finished his ass off.

Takaoni is the second game. The winner is the person who happens to be on top. Quite the sexual activity I must say. I didn’t know Kyoraku was like that… but I digress. Must have something to do with that little ribbon he has tied to one of his jerry curls.

But no, in Takaoni, the person who is standing higher than the other wins. So, if one person is flying higher than the other person, then the lower guy takes the hit. They end up trading back-and-forth in this game without one side getting ahead very much.

Starrk… apparently he can summon wolves AND light sabres…

Finally, Kyoraku does the dirtiest deed of all… he releases his Bushogoma at Starrk. Lilinette is here to protect.

No!… Lilinette…

And after the waves crash… we see no more wolfpack…

... and no more voice from Lilinette…

Kind of sad actually… fucking Kyoraku bastard. Starrk and Lilinette so far, were some of the coolest Espada in the whole series. They had some … REAL background. Nothing really crazy about war or anything like that, but something that people might relate to. Maybe that’s why Starrk and Lilinette seemed more … important.

It seems that Starrk was always a lonely Espada. He was too strong, and was unable to have any friends no matter how much he wanted to. That’s why, he wished he was weak — weak enough to have many comrades. Or, he wished to meet people who were strong enough to be friends with him.

But unable to make any friends in Hueco Mundo, he split his soul into two, that way he’d always have someone to talk to.

And Lilinette was born.

A sweet story, if I say so myself.

And the whole time, Kyoraku is just standing there kind of like, “Derp.”

I swear, the dude just doesn’t care about any of this.

Without delay, he unleashes his third game, Irooni, or “Ogre of Elegance.”

In this game, you call out a color. Then, you try to attack that color on the person’s body. But you can only attack that color, and nothing else. The riskier it is to hit that color, the deeper the impact it makes if you land it.

They go back and forth, trading hits with the colors grey, then white.

… when suddenly, Kyoraku calls black, and deals the final blow straight into the hole in Starrk’s chest.

A final apology to Aizen… for giving him his Espada friends…

and a flashback to the past…

Espada friends

Wait… wait.. wait… so did Starrk create Lilinette, or did Lilinette create Starrk? At this part, Starrk sees the young girl there and asks what her name is, and she says, “Lilinette.” But then, she says that HE should be the one worrying about his own name, since he came from her.

Mind = blown.

So, the story goes… Lilinette was a lonely Hollow in Hueco Mundo. She couldn’t have any friends, so she split her soul in half, and made Starrk. Then, she wouldn’t have to be lonely anymore.

Ahhh the story is too sad. In the end, Lilinette and Starrk just … didn’t want to be alone. And for the longest time, they only had each other. Both having been defeated by Kyoraku, maybe they will meet again in Hollow Heaven. (Does that even exist? I hope…)

Meanwhile, we continue with Halibel’s battle with Lisa, Hiyori, and Captain Hitsugaya (Toshiro).

Lisa releases Hagurotonbo. This whole time, I thought her release was going to be a sword of some sort. Gahhhh…. and her Hollow mask… it’s a plus sign…

Lisa… plus weird Hollow mask… plus Hagurotonbo… equals… man wtf.

Hiyori slashes away at Halibel.

Halibel powers up for the Cascada!

Prepare for the tidal wave, bitches!

But, Toshiro freezes it. What a cockblocker. Three against one… damn shinigami and their dirty ways.

Aizen is standing there like… wat…

Ohhhh Halibel, don’t look at me like that. Something about blonde eyelashes just doesn’t seem right…

Slash! Aizen-hower doesn’t take attitude from anyone! I guess he doesn’t like blonde eyelashes either.

Damn… dirty….

Sorry bish, you just got played! That’ll teach you to keep Aizen waiting.

Actually it’s kind of messed up. Aizen slashes her guts out on a whim. Kind of like SLASH my hand slipped. Mah bad… mah bad…

I mean, she WAS fighting against three people at the same time, so it’s like wtf of course it’s going to take a while. Oh well, I’m not going to say good riddance or anything, but I’ll admit that she wasn’t as interesting as some of the other Espada. But, at the same time, she could have used more character development… and less yellow eyeliner.

This review would not have been possible without the cool guys from SGKK fansubs. Thanks guys! And here’s the torrent.