Bleach: Episode 284

In the previous episode, Aizen-hower slashed Halibel with his nightstick of the pants. This episode is twenty minutes of Halibel’s feminist movement playing before her eyes as she enters the eternal slumber.

A twenty-minute flashback of all your life’s greatest adventures isn’t that bad. If it was myself dying, it would be a five-minute replay of me slouched in front of my computer, watching anime with my mouth slightly open, bottom teeth faintly showing.

Anyways, back to Halibel’s feminist movement. Apparently, all the perverted male Hollow in Hueco Mundo liked to pick on the female Hollow, killing and eating them to gain power… just like in real life 🙂 So, Halibel decided to defend the weaker female Hollow against the guys. At this time, she wasn’t an Espada yet; she was a Vasto Lorde.

What a sexy ninja.

And that’s how she met her three minions. In the episode, she saves Apache (still an Adjuchas) from getting eaten by another male Hollow.

Apache running away from…

Deer anus, and what the crap is that? Apache about to get eaten by an eight-armed Hollow with a huge ass.

But Halibel for the save!

After rescuing Apache, instead of killing her and eating her guts, Halibel is all like… okay come with me, I will make you my special buddy.

Apache follows Halibel to her lair where she meets Mila Rose and Ekans from Pokemon — er, I mean Sun-Sun. At this point, the four are all happy happy joy joy.

Oh hai guise, meet my deer friend. kek kek kek! :p

Ekans, use bert-stare!

But one day, Barragan, the big pimp of Hueco Mundo approaches the girls and is all like… hey ladies, join me for dinner? It’s either that or you can get off my lawn! Wait, this whole planet is my lawn! HAR HARRRRR!!! Leave my presence or I will kill you! Freaking Barragan — he has a way with the ladies.

Barragan: This bores me, ladies.

Barragan’s Gang: *Sigh…*

Barragan: Wait a minute! Is that an Ekans!?

So, the girls get the hell out of there. But one day, they’re attacked by one of Barragan’s minions. He shows up all mad…

…all like… BISH, you cut me with your arm knife last year! No bish wants me now! Look at this shit! I’ll make you all pay!

Halibel does her best to defend her girls from the mad sexual predator, and she tells them to run away.

During the fight, Halibel is on the verge of getting knocked the fk out, when the girls return to save her.

Halibel is touched, but she is also dying. Nice timing, fools!

Mad Hollow: What is this shat?

Mad Hollow: That’s more like it!

And so, the fight continues, and the girls are all beat-up from the feet-up.

The mad Hollow goes in for the flawless victory, when suddenly Aizen-hower shows up and saves Halibel from certain destruction.

Aizen: Wat? This is…

Aizen: … too…

Aizen: … easy!

Then Aizen is all… hey baish, if you don’t want this to happen again, come with me. I’ll make you stronger so you can protect your wimmenz. And that’s what happened 🙂

Aizen: That’s alright… you can stay on your knees, baby girl.

Aizen: I brought one of my friends… and Whoopi Goldberg.

Fast forward to the present. Aizen slashes Halibel, and Halibel is all like, “WTF Dude…” So she tries to slash Aizen back, but he counters with his Shadow Clone Technique!

Halibel: AIZEN!!!

Aizen: No! Not my armpit!That hurts so….m…


See you later, Halibel… I thought you were a feminist. What were you doing trusting this kind of dude anyways? I hope you’ve learned your lesson… maybe next time you’ll…

Wait nevermind, you’re dead.

This review was made possible thanks to the work of SGKK Fansubs. Thanks! And here’s the torrent.

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